an imprint
an imprint
I am fine. I have always been fine.
Have you ever shrunk yourself?
If you apologise for taking up space, or try to earn love instead of receiving it, you already know the feeling this work is about.
If you feel everything inside and show nothing outside, I have lived inside that too.
The first book
For almost thirty years I performed. I auditioned for permission, acknowledgement, recognition. I learnt early that if I was good enough, polite enough, helpful enough, quiet enough, "invisible enough", I could be acknowledged.
This is what happened when the performance stopped.
The chapters follow feeling rather than a timeline — guilt, self-hate, anger, sorrow, survival, and a silence that sometimes looked like acceptance. They did not arrive in order or wait their turn.
At my worst, I would have given anything to read someone who had felt this and come out breathing. I couldn't find that book, so I'm trying to become it for whoever needs it next.
Read it as it is written
Nothing is behind a wall. If you want to walk it slowly alongside me, the chapters go out as they are finished.
Free, always.