Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Not yet..

If you know me at all in real life, you know that my biggest obsession right now is the TV show Timeless. {If you haven't seen it, go check it out on Hulu!}

But that's not really what this is about. Well, not really. Bear with me.

So there's an episode in the first season called "The Last Generation". In it, Agent Christopher is talking to Wyatt and he is frustrated that the one thing he wants seems completely achievable, no matter what he does. Her response to him is: "Maybe the universe is saying there is something you have to do first."

I gotta tell you, this stuck with me all this summer. I can't tell you the number of days I'd cry or grumble in frustration, never feeling good enough, wondering if this is the wrong career for me to pursue. Maybe all the rejection was trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm not meant to be a writer and I need to just move on.

But then that phrase would sneak back in my mind, and it changed the whole way I saw things this summer. Maybe 'no' just really means 'not right now'. Maybe there are things in my life I'm supposed to focus on first.

So that's what I did. Of course I spent the summer writing, querying, entering contests, constantly finding ways to further my career. None of this will get done if I sit back and do nothing.

But I felt less pressure than before. I didn't sweat over waiting to hear back, and I truly began to enjoy the season I'm in. A season where I can write when it suits me and my life, not restricted by deadlines. I get to write the stories I want, tweaking and taking my time to perfect them. Also a season where my family and friends are my priority. The summer was incredible. So many visits with friends, road tripping and day tripping all up and down the east coast. Hours upon hours spend at the pool and more time spent exploring outside than in.

How lucky I was to have these times, letting go of the worry, anxiety, and fear for just a little while. And as summer fades into fall, I want to hold close to those words still. I'm going to keep writing, keep pressing on, never giving up...but also try and enjoy exactly where I am in life right now. Hoping that 'no' just means 'not now' and that something great lies around the corner from me when the time is right.